Who am I?
If I were to tell you who I am, I would tell you that I am a broken lover of Jesus following hard after Him, and a writer who often writes as messy as my life.
I would tell you I have received the gift of a husband, who I refer to as “the goose” because geese mate for life and never leave the other until death separates. Even then, a goose instinctively mourns often nestling itself alongside its feathered mate for hours and days after death. Sometimes it’s grief is expressed through wings as it flies circles around it’s still friend and life partner, until in a downward swoop of exhaustion it makes its bed of death next to the one it cannot bear to soar without. This sounds like a beautiful love story, but these two geese here in this life have stared head on and headstrong in the face of divorce, begging for it to lead us out, and then bowed broken to the One who promised to finish what He started in us. We have hated, we have hurled word swords, we have rejected, we have torn down, and we have drawn blood. We bear scars of wounded expectations to remind us Who our hope is in. We have faced crisis and adversity that has left 85% of Christian couples alone and floundering, victims of divorce, after being blindsided with brain injury in our oldest child. We have navigated through a mess of twisted brains for the last 10 years and we stay, because God won’t let us leave.
I would tell you I have received the gift of being called “mama” in sweet tender relationship with my three babes, and how “mama” has morphed into an angry “mother!” more times than I would care to admit, when I’m not listening…distracted…consumed with self or the pull of the world. I would tell you I let my kids eat raw cookie dough, carbs, sugar, and did not make them memorize scripture, though I had right intentions for their physical and spiritual health. I would tell you I have disrespected their dad and let this untameable tongue, when I’m blinded by my own mad heat, get wild all over him….
breathing out a putrid scent of self-righteousness….
And then I would tell you I cried broken.
I would tell you most of my life has been performance driven…
and left me suffocated sideways asking my husband, “please tie-me-to-you….” as we slept at night, for fear of losing my mind.
I would tell you I cherished “doing” and how my works trumped possessing a deep affection for people…until I was awakened to a desire beyond performance when I felt the warm soft of a Holy kiss and I flushed down to my toes in wild passion for the One who leaves me tokens of love…waiting when morning is sent forth out of its hiding.
I would tell you I experienced a kind of intense raw-love I didn’t think existed before I met the God who takes away.
I would tell you I take the hard path now and so that means I will lovingly disagree with you. I will cherish you, I will pray through our conflict, but I will choose Christ’s way and prayerfully explain why I believe it to be His way.
I cry broken and bleed sticky.
I would love to open this blog to a community of sticky, messy people who cry broken with me. I will be asking people to guest post. I would love to hear your marriage struggles, your parenting struggles, your personal struggles. We will talk about current issues as well.
We are all wild olives. We have been grafted into a family. Share with me the pain of the pruning…
We are tribal and dance dangerously on the edge through our individual lives, yet we ache for the circle of rhythm within this tribal community.
We are daughters of Eve, hiding and ashamed, seeking healing…desperate to return to unbroken fellowship and restored relationship with Christ…and it happens in community.
Would you consider being a part of this blog? Email me your story. Suggest a topic. Please keep it to less than a 1000 words. If you aren’t a writer but just enjoy reading, share your comments, let us know you!
I will also be working at bringing this blog more up to date, but I am so technologically illiterate that it may take a while. Send me photos I can post that help tell your story. I will work on this on my end too!
Always remember to bring glory to Christ who upholds and sustains all things including how He has shaped you through every trial and hardship.
I can’t wait to hear from you! Please comment in the comment section, and if you have a story you would like to share, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
What does community mean to you? How has God used community to grow you? And, men, you can comment too! We value your brotherhood.
held, consumed, intoxicated by His love,