why’s and wells

I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.” ~ John 16:12.

Sometimes there is more depth of soul to be explored and stretching of spirit to be drawn out in the not knowing…

positioned in a posture of trust…

while we wait.

It is here in this position where heaven’s secrets find themselves absent and silence from above stays voiceless that we press in to a love that needs not bring forth language as we know it, but rather an experience our souls crave.

Our finite minds say with Job, “Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I do not perceive him…” (Job 23:8), but our hearts, if stayed on Christ, will begin to understand what words cannot comfort. There is a deeper layer of us that speaks a tongue only a holy union understands.  A dialect of soul and Spirit bringing about a saturating assurance, a satisfying tranquility; the result: a quiet and composed soul that has climbed up into the lap of the Father. (Psalm 131).

Here the compassion of our Abba-Father will cradle our unsettled, disquieted hearts.  His Daddy arms will wrap our soul in strength and swaddle our spirits in hope.  His tenderness will massage through our bruised marrow and soften us with a soothing balm of healing oil.  His nearness will cause the delicate hairs on our weary necks to be rustled by His breath as we lean back against Him and breathe….and while we rest upon His bosom our hearts will sync to a hallowed, unrushed, soothing beat.

This is a place of sacred silence with the Master. This is a place that savors a slower pace, for hastening an answer will only breed anxiety.  This is a place where strivings cease, for all of the searching will only lead to answers that belong to another day, another trial.  Each one holding a unique and different revealing of heavenly purpose. This is a place where our reaching and groping are tamed and our weary muscles find rest.  This is a place where our “why’s” become deep wells overflowing with the character of Christ.

What if all the words we needed to know were the words of Christ that held back what He longed to say to us for another day?  Can we be content with the compassion He extends to us in the not knowing, knowing that if He were to tell us our souls would cave from the weight of the answer? If He told His disciples they could not bear what He wanted to say, could it be that we, too, may be unable to bear the weight of His words in response to our restless inquiries and unsatisfied longing for an answer?  What if it’s His love and grace and mercy that restrain the words we long to hear Him speak?  Even demand.  Would His answer in the moment satsify…

or pierce deeper? 

But if we sink our frame deep into His unchanging character,

then maybe this becomes a posture that seeks His presence more than His answers

and then His answers begin to take on a different form and shape then all of our daring to question and guess could conjure up.  Oh beloved, we have gone far too long making up answers for the High and Holy, for some things belong to God alone, “The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law” Deuteronomy 29:29.

You see, loves, there is a place, a place to meet with Christ day after day, longing for more of. just. him.  

a place to imbibe. him.

a place to stay…endure…

tarry…

linger longer…

attracted to his scent…

inhaling the fragrance of. him.

This is a place where abiding becomes like breathing and questions of His presence and His faithfulness fade into the thickness of his jealous love.

His jealous, intense burning love.

So when we think our souls cannot bear the weight of our current trial, our anxiety and despair, and our confusion and finite thoughts of God leave a rattle in our soul….that bruises us on the inside…

and we cry out, why won’t you answer me???   

Oh but loves, KNOW THIS:

He is answering with soundless speech as He offers so much more in the quiet intimacy He extends to us in the waiting.  His heart is that we know Him; His goal to transform us. And while we book-end our questions with truth and let His love silence our screams, our whys begin to dig those wells that will hold more of Christ than we could ever know… if we knew.