Something from two years ago…

Father, Abba, who knows me so perfectly, so intimately, so beautifully and wisely; You wise, true, faithful and all powerful God, created a story for me…not to make much of me, but to put on display your glory, your splendor through a broken and crushed daughter.  A girl born into sin, yet fearfully and wonderfully made.  A girl who would deny you a thousand times; stand with scoffers.  A girl who chose sin, lust, self; hurting, beaten, bruised – seeking heavenly salve, yet her soul did not know it.  Salve from heaven came down and covered the girl, and with Holy salve came the weight of Holy trouble.  The girl began to have frequent and familiar encounters with a Holy God who gives and takes away; and in the taking, hope was born.  In the taking there was grief.  In the taking there was suffering.  In the taking there was anguish.  There stood the girl stripped, yet clothed.  Clothed in heavenly attire, clothed in a righteousness that on her own she could not claim.  With every stripping, the robe remains to cover her nothingness, her nakedness apart from Him.  There are days when suffering stings, yet the robe is safe.  There are moments of sin, yet the robe, still safe.  There are hours and days where darkness hovers, and there standing in the robe, the girl is reminded that even the “darkness is not dark to Him.”  There are days she cannot stand, and there, on Holy ground, crying for more salve, the robe remains.  The lower she goes, the thicker and heavier the sweet heavenly salve.  It won’t be long and she’ll stand again.  How could she stand at all having not known the depth of the weight of Holy trouble?  A weight that crushes, yet renews.  A weight that breaks and stops a selfish heart and slowly re-starts the rhythmic beating of two hearts, a girl’s and her King’s.

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